Surviving the loss of a child
I know right now it may not seem like it but Jesus is still in control. He is our comfort. The only way you are going to get through this is with Jesus. Bad things happen to good people all the time. I don’t claim to understand it. But I know from experience that Jesus stood by me the whole time, at the hospital, the mortuary, and the funeral. You want to know how I know Jesus was with me? Because I am still here. because I can live and enjoy the children I have left. because my grandchildren are a delight to me. That’s how I know. It has been 11 years since Gordie died. He died in 1998. He was a Navy SEAL and he died in drown proof training. Ironic huh. This was the hardest time in my life for sure. Nothing compares to the loss of a child. No matter what age he/she is. They will always be our baby.
If you have ost a child I know you are thinking “I remember when…” or “how will I get through this”. I’ll tell you how. One day at a time. One minute at a time. It hurts and I know it. It will never stop. You will not forget your child. He/she will always live on in your heart and you will never stop thinking about him/her. So don’t worry that if you try to go on its not fair to your lost loved one. Remember that child loved you and did not want you to hurt any more then you would want them to hurt.
Say this “I will survive” now say it again “I will survive” now for the hard part, say “I want to survive” you see that is the hard part. I know I will survive but do I want to? That is the question. There are times when I felt like I didn’t care if I survived or not, and then there were times when I felt like I for sure didn’t want to survive. But the days kept coming and never stopped. The birds kept singing and the people went back to their normal lives with their families. Then there I was all alone. I was one child short. I had Gordie when I was 17, so we grew up together. He was more than my oldest son, he was my friend. I put that child through living hell till he was 13. I was not saved and did not know about life and how to live a good and healthy life, but he was special and he loved me anyway. I lived in drugs and alcohol. Do I have regrets? So many I could not count them for you. When it comes to regrets you need to understand that we cannot torment ourselves about what should have been or what we should have done. I had to learn that I could not change the past. What life I had given Gordon was the only life I knew at the time. I do praise God that after he was 13 I changed my lifestyle due to my husband. Jesus knew I needed an earthy rock and that would be Doug. So Gordie got 12 years of a good life after I married Doug.
I can’t change what I did with him. I can’t live in bondage and guilt for the rest of my life either. If you think about it no life is perfect and not one person is perfect. Right now you will need to cut yourself some slack. I am not excusing what you or I have done in the past, but if we live in regret the rest of our lives we will turn into bitter, sad and angry people. So when I say “I want to survive” I am really saying “Jesus, please help me get through this day. Help me to become a normal person again. Help me get through this grief and sill live”. This will not take place over night. It is hard work to survive this and we need each other. As I said it has been 11 years since Gordon died and I still cry. This is a hard page to put on this site. I still hurt and yes Christmas is the 2nd worst Holiday for me to get through. The first being July 4th as Gordie died on July 2, 1998.
God gave me a desire to see people set free from hurt and pain in their lives and I am driven to do anything I can to help. I want to take a horrible situation and turn it into a help to you. If you are reading this and you have not lost a child, be sure to thank God everyday for the children you have. The fact that they are alive is a big deal. And remember that even if you have lost a child, do you have others? They need you. Your spouse needs you. Did you know statistics say that 75% of marriages divorce after a loss of a child? It is said that it is like 2 people with both legs broken on each person trying to take care of each other with no outside help. Remember, you spouse is hurting also in their own way. Will it make things better if you lose your spouse too? Stick together, pray together, and seek the peace of God together.
Try and keep your mind focused on the Lord as much as you can. Study the word together.
You may feel angry right now and maybe even at God. He can handle it. You can be angry but still love someone so don’t let go. Jesus is the only way we can make it. Angry or not. There are many different emotions you will go through. Just remember to let this process take place. It must happen for you to get better. You can’t get around grief or over it. You must go through it, it’s a natural process. If you would like personal ministry in this area please e mail me or post a comment and I will do all I can to help you. Thanks and God Bless you,
Treva
See Gordon's Story